BACKSTORY MARCH AND APRIL
A Pig Improvement
This is all a big improvement on the last two months [March and April] where the temperature both outside the house and in has been very stormy. To write has been too painful: it’s been hard to process the slings and arrows of outrageous, if first world, fortune. Thankfully at the time of writing “At Home” has improved and though outdoors, the weather remains revolting, projects like the advent of the pigs and Frank’s progress have proven most uplifting.
For the sake of completeness and to prove we are all not just capering round like Marie, or should I say “Carrie” Antoinette [ Spectator reference to PM”s squeeze in wake of Wallpapergate] , let us just say March’s domestic tempests involved blue flashing lights and one of my progeny moving in with a satan worshipping midget in Hackney. Stroppy Slav shoved her shapely jodhpured ass between me, the steed and my good friend Jim, leaving him blind-sided by her and Frank moving to Richmond. Me,pretty sick with worry saddled (um) with this responsibility, as I have no idea how to school or look after him though Minette stalwart and magnificent instructress of 25 years did cheer me up a by saying she would help. Continuing frustration as David and Inigo struggle to finish the Beach House, Llareggub - a never ending project. The definition of Irritation is, the feeling you get when the children whom you brought up to be independent thinkers start being just that, independent thinkers and bloody ones at that, making David servant of 5 masters (as they all have a share in the house). Reminds me of that prayer “O Lord Please make me good - but just not yet”..
Luckily the first guests at Llareggub Phase iii were very much primed for the fact that it was a trial period, and, spoiler alert, were delighted, but it has been a trying winter for me to anticipate when the House would be ready and what to charge for it. As a result I have probably undersold it but I don’t mind as I think it is always better for people to feel like they are getting a good deal especially when the property just comes on the market. Besides, even if I thought it were finished, David has a habit of having a EXTREMELY AMBITIOUS NEW IDEA which he saves for the morning that he is leaving the property [ which is usually the morning someone is coming in and which makes it not finished at all. Even if it was. ]. I used to go along with this but I am now too old and tell David that the guests are arriving two days before they are due. As he really gets into super achievement gear when he knows the deadline is approaching.
However, when even using the fake early arrival trick looked sure to fail, I had to admit defeat and tell Dawn, the Owner of the Pigs, that we just were not going to be ready for the pigs to be dropped off to us on Thursday, and instead we would have to come and pick them up from Derby { involving us in a whole new set of expensive, unknown and tiring logistics. She, Dawn would thereafter be too weak from chemo to handle these bad boys. Loading on a lot more stress too.
Caring for Avalon, who has pulled out a boyfriend from her hat two months before the-GCSE’s which-aren’t has also been challenging, particularly in David’s absence. Asian Mother, Boyfriend, Exams are not words which sit comfortably in the same sentence. I can’t think of a verb for a start. Pandora’s box is open and Asian mother cannot squash it closed however heavily her Asian bottom sits on it. DD has concurrently developed a huge lassitude. Her only appetite seems to be for late night phone calls and the weight is dropping off her. She is swimming in her clothes about the only exercise she will take. I am afraid she will fall at the last fence and nothing I can say or do,nice or nasty policeman can persuade her she needs to revise. The question is does she? A hard and conscientious worker it seems she has simply burned out. Sitting at that desk in front of a screen for the COVID SCHOOL year has taken its toll. Having spent two weeks of the Easter holidays trying, I feel defeated as I can’t think of any way to help. And so I have stepped back. But I remain in limbo as if I go to Wales which I am bursting to do to make final decisions on Llareggub or prepare for the piggies, she neither wants to come nor does any revision at home, but she likes me to remain her phantasmic in the background while she just is. I am after all her mum and proud to be so. Just not used to anyone actually wanting me to be there.
I actually introduced her to Boyfriend , Sam, my 16 Y O pal and Chief Erratic inventor in the Chillderness Creative Team. Whilst the new dynamic with Avalon does cause some additional tenisons I guess they are fewer than if he was someone totally new. And he is both nice and fun. Ironically he likes doing things none of my children do and has even taken an active interest in walking out and riding Frank living only 10 minutes away so I think I see him more than anyone. Frank and Sam have developed a real bond I am glad to be able to give him that gift. He is also turning out to be a bit of a decent rider.
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